i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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