Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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