I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
