Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
