guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
