Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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