toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
