you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
