My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
