glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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