Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
