i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
