he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
