I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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