so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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