This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
