The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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