That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
