now i know why i became what i already was.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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