If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
