I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
