being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
