I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
