Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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