I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
