Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
