dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
that is very illegal...i love you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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