every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
