It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
