About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
