i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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