This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
