i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
