I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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