You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you made out with another girl for some wings
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
