I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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