I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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