I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
