Its about making memories worth repressing
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
