Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
