there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
