I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
