thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
