This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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