I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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