she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
