I wannas sexs uuuuu
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
