and she was petting her beer can
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
