All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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