I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
