He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
